hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
