Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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