Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
