for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
