Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
