When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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