what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
