I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just found puke in my bra..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
