I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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