The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
