i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you would pick up someone in the library
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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