we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
