dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
