did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
