i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
