so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
