There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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