can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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