I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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