How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
