...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
