I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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