i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
