R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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