For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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