I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
