I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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