You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
