five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
