How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
