So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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