so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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