I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
