i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
