Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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