I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
