I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
