Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
