I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
