mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
