Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
