I want to stick my p in your. b.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
