I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
