I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
