im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
