Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
