I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
