party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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