Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
