Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
