holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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