TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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