when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
