Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
